While pregnancy is one of life’s most mysterious and wonderful miracles, it’s no cake walk. When my husband and I went through pregnancy (and yes, my husband went through pregnancy, too; it was a journey we took together and I’m pretty sure he suffered and was excited just as much as I was), I made the joke multiple times that God designed pregnancy to remind the mother what it felt like to be as helpless as an infant so she can be sympathetic towards her newborn. Below, I’ve compiled some of the ways pregnancy temporarily turns you in to a child to give you a chuckle.
For babies, crying is usually warranted but sometimes they cry just because. For us expecting moms, too, we cry because the peanut butter jar is too hard to open, the pizza man looked like he was having a hard day, or it’s unbearably pretty outside. Once you start crying, you have to get it all out. There’s no going back.
Sleep pattern? Between extreme exhaustion, napping during the day, and bouts of insomnia, the only identifiable sleep pattern we have is the call of the bathroom every hour.
Just like a screaming infant, there’s only one thing that will satisfy your cravings. Who knows what that ever-changing, special item will be for us, but anything else will cause you to be nauseated and quite possibly stamp your foot.
Just like it’s okay for an adult to cutesily ask a little 6 year old girl if she has a boyfriend (ugh), it is also socially acceptable for strangers to ask an expecting mother what kind of baby she is having, what name she’s picked out, and if she’s drinking enough water. (Yes, I was asked by a stranger if I was drinking enough water.)
Some women run out and spend hundreds of dollars on maternity clothes. For the rest of us, wearing our husbands T-shirts and basketball shorts by the end of it, we look like kids. There are no waists, no definition, just blobs.
Need to run to the store? First, tackle the arduous challenge of getting dressed. After passing the hurdle of finding something to wear, the next hurdle is putting it on and the hurdle after that is putting on shoes (see below). Okay, run to the bathroom. And now, after all the talk of hurdling, let’s take a nap. Break up the nap with a bathroom run. Lastly, pack up all the equipment, especially food and water, and go to the bathroom again.
Bending is out of the question.